“Can You Just Stay in the Car?” — When Growing Up Feels Like Pulling Away

Last weekend, I was driving out to drop off a few things for my 13-year-old son at his dorm at boarding camp. As I was pulling into the parking lot, I got a text from him that simply said,
"Can you just stay in the car?"

And in that split second, my heart sank.

I stared at my phone and felt a rush of emotions.

Was he embarrassed by me?

Was I no longer welcome in his world?

Maybe he doesn't want to be seen with his mom.

I sat there gripping the steering wheel, trying not to let the sting turn into tears.

But when I got to the drop-off point, before I could even finish putting the car in park, he came out—and wrapped me in the biggest, warmest hug.

Just a tight hug and said,” Mom, how are you?"

In that moment, I realized this wasn’t rejection—it was growth.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want me. He is just figuring out how to be him without me being around all the time. His need for independence and space wasn’t a threat to our connection, it was part of him becoming who he’s meant to be.

As our kids grow, the ways they express love and connection often shift—sometimes in ways that feel quieter or more distant than we're used to.

The enthusiastic hugs, bedtime cuddles, and constant chatter of childhood may give way to quick nods, side comments, or even just a lingering glance. And while these new forms of connection can be easy to overlook or misinterpret, they often carry just as much heart.

A simple “Thanks” mumbled while grabbing their laundry, or a quick shoulder squeeze on the way out the door—all these moments matter. They’re our teens’ way of saying, “I still need you; I still love you, but I’m learning to express it on my terms.”

It can be tempting to mourn the closeness we once had, but if we stay open and present, we begin to see these small gestures for what they really are: new expressions of the same deep bond.

The love didn’t go anywhere—it’s just growing up, too.

So, if your teen has said something recently that stung—if they’ve pulled away, rolled their eyes, or asked you to stay in the car—take a breath.

It's not the end of closeness. It's just a new shape of it.

If you're ready to take your parenting to the next level, or feel stuck in your parenting journey, message me directly or a book a free Parenting Roadmap call.

Best,
Dr. Sarita