A Heart-to-Heart with My 9-Year-Old

I wanted to share a parenting moment that really stayed with me—one that reminded me just how much our kids need us to help them through big, overwhelming feelings.

The other day, my 9-year-old came home clearly upset. He had a disagreement with one of his close friends at school. When I asked what happened, he clammed up. He didn’t want to talk, he was mad, tears rolling down his cheeks, and I could see how much it hurt him, even if he didn’t say it directly.

 He crossed his arms, looked away, and kept saying, “Nothing! I don’t want to talk about it!”

He was angry and crying at the same time. I could tell he felt totally lost—like he was swimming in emotions and didn’t know which way was up. 

As a parent, it was hard to watch. I wanted to fix it, to make it better, but I knew he didn’t need fixing—he needed space and safety.

So I sat beside him and said gently, “It’s okay to feel like this. You dn’t have to talk before you’re ready. I’m right here with you.”

We  talked about what happens inside us when emotions feel too big—how anger, sadness, and confusion can all show up at once, and how hard it is to make sense of it when that happens.

I told him, “You know, when emotions get loud inside us, they can take over. And when we don’t know what to do, we can end up doing or saying things we don’t mean. That’s why it’s important to pause, breathe, and let our mind catch up to our feelings.

We practiced a few slow breaths together, just sitting on the floor, no pressure. He didn’t say much, but he leaned into me. His shoulders softened, and after a while, he quietly said, “I think I was just so mad and sad at the same time, I didn’t know what to do.”

That was it. 

That moment of clarity—of connection.

It reminded me that emotional regulation isn’t automatic for kids.

It’s a skill we teach, with presence, patience, and a lot of repetition. It’s something they learn—from us. From how we show up, from how we talk to them, and from how we manage our own hard moments.

If you’ve had a moment like this —where your child was overwhelmed, and you weren’t sure how to help—please know: you’re not alone. 

And the good news is these are skills you can learn. You don’t have to figure it out on your own.

If you're ready to take your parenting to the next level, or feel stuck in your parenting journey, message me directly or a book a free Parenting Roadmap call.

Best,
Dr. Sarita